Pagan Poetry, Chants and Music

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Pagan Humor



Top 10 Reasons Why Athame Handles are Black

1. So they'll go with any color of robe.
2. So you can cover up nicks & scratches with shoe polish.
3. It's slimming (can't have fat athames, can we?)
4. It doesn't show dirt.
5. Because finding a dropped athame in an outdoor ritual in the dark is a test of loyalty to your faith.
6. It's so much more dignified than chartreuse.
7. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
8. Someone spilled all the paints together and that's what ended up.
9. No, no! Black is for winter rituals--use white before Labor Day!
10. So that we'd have something to argue about other than How "athame" is pronounced!

This is my collection of pagan oriented humor. Many of these jokes, rituals or stories are found in many different places on the internet; I do not claim any. If there is no credit given to a particular author it is because the information was not available to me. If you claim a story or ritual to be your own, please inform me and I will add the proper credit or remove them from my site.

A letter from a 3rd grade teacher sent home to Pagan parents:

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Thomas,

I write this letter in concern of your daughter, Aradia Moon. Please don't take this the wrong way, however, although she is a straight A student and a very bright child, she has some strange habits that I feel we should address.

Every morning before class, she insists on walking around the classroom with her pencil held in the air. She says she is "drawing down the moon." I told her Art Class is in an hour and to please refrain from then to do any drawing.

And speaking of Art Class, whenever she draws a night sky, she insists on drawling little circles around all the stars and people dancing on the ground. And that brings up dancing, I had to stop her twice for taking off her clothes during a game of Ring Around the Rosey! By the way, what does the term "skyclad" mean?

Aradia has no problem with making friends. I always find her sitting outside during recess with her friends sitting around her in a circle. She likes to share her juice and cookies. It is nice how she wants no one to ever thirst or hunger. However, when I walked over to see what they were doing, she jumped up and told me to stop, pulled out a little plastic knife and started waving it in front of me. I thought this was a bit dangerous, so I took her to the Principal's Office. She explained to the Principal that she was "opening the Circle" to let me in. She also said that her Mommy and Daddy always told her not to play or run with an "athame" in her hand, that she could put someone's eye out. I don't know what an "athame" is, but I am glad that she keeps it at home.

As for stories, your daughter tends to make up some whoppers. Just yesterday while I was talking sternly to Tommy Johnson and shaking my finger at him, he started screaming and ran from the room. When I finally caught him, he told me that Aradia told him and the rest of the class that the last time I shook my finger at someone, they caught the chicken pox. I explained to him that the Sally Jones incident was just a coincidence, and that things like that don't really happen.

One of the strangest things that happened was when I asked the children to bring in Halloween decorations for the classroom. Aradia brought in salt, incense and her family album. I see she has quite a sense of humor.

One of Aradia's worst habits is that she is very argumentative. We were discussing what the Golden Rule was (Do Unto others as you would have them Do Unto You), she firmly disagreed with me and stated it was "Do As you Will, but Harm None" and she will not stop saying "So Mote It Be" after she reads aloud in class. I try correct her on these matters and she got very angry. She pointed her finger at me and mumbled something under her breath.

In closing, Mr. and Mrs. Thomas, I would like to set up a parent/teacher conference with you sometime next week to discuss these matters. I would like to see you sooner, but I have developed an irritating rash that I am quite worried about.

With Deep Concerns,

Mrs. Livingston

P.S. Blessed Be. I understand that this is a greeting or closing from your country that your daughter informs me is polite and correct.

- by Ld Obyron Irondrake, 8/18/99

Triple Moon Rule graphic Copyright Robin Wood 1997, Used with Permission